Monday, December 24, 2012

2012 Movies

I was in Bangkok and on airplanes again this year - not a good combination for watching great movies. The actual theatres in Bangkok are spectacular - clean, modern, comfortable and you can get seaweed in your popcorn and there is assigned seating - but the movie choices are miserable. As I was recovering from a job and unemployed for most of the year, I was able to go to a lot of movies and matinees. But the findings were blech...

But I got to the US just in time for Oscar season and started to see some of the big ones... I'm sad that I missed Silver Linings Playbook and Anna Karenina but I hope to find them and watch them before the year is out.

The best: 
Moonrise Kingdom - Probably my favorite movie of the year so far (as of July 2012). I adore Wes Anderson and love his style. The music was spot on and I loved the kid actors. That little girl stole the movie from Bill Murray and Edward Norton and Bruce Willis. She still stays with me when I think about running away with my love - star crossed lovers who find each other despite all odds. I love the musical numbers...

Magic Mike - surprisingly good! I saw it alone in a crowded theatre in Bangkok and just laughed and cheered through it. I've now become a Channing Tatum fan. Funny and good looking and that guy can DANCE!

The Hunger Games - really loved it. Saw it again on the airplane and it was still as good. Managed to draw you in like the book but not make it mawkish teenage dreck like the Twilight movies.

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Airplane) - excellent! I wished I had seen it in the theatre. I have seen the Swedish version and this one was just as good, I think. I love Daniel Craig and Robin Wright Penn together and the scenary was fantastic. Rooney Mara was a great Lizbeth Salander.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (Airplane) - excellent and sexy. Javier Bardem! Penelope Cruz! Wow! One of Woody Allen's better movies (not particularly deep) but sexy and entertaining.

Argo - so excellent, I think this is one of the best movies I saw in 2012. Tense, funny, politically savvy. I think my only complaint was that Ben Affleck was a bit too low key in it. But he looked super sexy with his beard and long hair.... 

Beasts of the Southern Wilds*** (Airplane) Such a wonderful and moving film. I was really blown away. It was also so refreshing to actually see a movie told from a different perspective than a White man. The cinematography was stunning, the story was original, and the acting was raw and real. The little girl Hush Puppy was so amazing. 

Skyfall - best Bond film I've seen in ages. Daniel Craig is killing it and Ralph Fiennes will be a nice addition to the series. It hit all the things one might want in a Bond film but I wish there had been a more compelling story with the Asian girl from the brothel who leads Bond to the villain.

Lincoln - Saw it in the theatre in South Carolina surrounded by both black and white South Carolinians. I wondered about their political leanings, I wondered how they felt when they were described as traitors and treasonous (which I believe they were), and there were a few anti-South moments that felt tense. Daniel Day Lewis was fantastic and I liked Sally Field's performance although it was very "sally fields" . not as many Spielberg-esque moments as I had feared (the entry of the black men and women into the house of representatives to watch the debate) and the music didn't put me off. A fascinating look into the politics and made me sad that our rough and tumble political world isn't more dynamic - instead its all posturing for the cameras.

The middle of the road/good/entertaining: 
The Hobbit: It just went on and on but I was happy to be back in the Middle Earth again. Dwarves are boring though. I would rather just see Bilbo Baggins and Gandalf talking all day than deal with those boring dwarves.

The Impossible: A very moving story about a family that survives the Tsunami of 2004. Thailand comes out looking great- their doctors save the patients, their people rescue the farangs, their airlines are awesome, and their hotel staff are great! Overcome any doubts you have about the "racism" in this movie- its just a particular story. The Thais have a movie industry. If they want to make a movie about how Thais overcame the tsunami, they will.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - pretty good with cool special effects but a bit odd. I did quite like the horse stampede fight sccene.

Men in Black III - I could see the "twist" coming from a 100 miles away. There were very few black generals in the US Air Force who would be guarding Cape Canaveral in the 1960s... lame.

The Avengers - saw it in 4D. Not that great. Some funny lines but still a rather shallow and not very exciting super hero film. Scarlett Johansen and that dreary bowman add almost nothing to this film. Give me all Captain America and David Bruce Banner all the time!

The Amazing Spider Man - pretty good. Andrew Garfield is as cute as a puppy dog and I love Emma Stone but I still prefer MaryJane and the red hair.

The Grey -incredibly intense! I just love Liam Neeson. And the plane crash was horrifying. I felt like I was on the edge of my seat the whole time.

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen - horrible ending! She waited for that guy and mourned his death and then when he comes back, she ditches him???

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows - eh. I like the Robert Downy jr. and Jude Law chemistry but it needs more of that.

Bad Teacher (Airplane) - pretty funny - I like Cameron Diaz more and more when I see her playing the anti-hero. And Justin is a good prude.

Friends with Kids (Airplane) - pretty good and thought -provoking. A lot of great actors in this one. Adam Scott is, of course, everyone's dream boyfriend - except for that whole Megan Fox thing.

Gosford Park (Airplane) - seen before but excellent to watch again. I'm including it because maybe since everyone loves Downton Abbey now, we can get another movie from Julian Ffellowes.

To Rome with Love - parts were cute and very funny but it was very uneven.

Ted - way too long. The parts in Fenway Park were just painful. But Marky Mark is always a treat on the screen.

Cloud Atlas - a difficult book to film. Was one of my favorite books in book club. I loved the Luisa Rey sections and the crazy Korean Soon-Mi sections the most although Jim Broadbent may now be my favorite character actor of all time. I just love him. The prostethics to make people seem Asian or White were very very lame but I was still in love with the scenes. Perhaps it was my overwhelming adoration for the book that oozed over into the movie but I quite liked it.

Life of Pi - a beautiful visual extravaganza. I don't know how much it resonates, particularly with me about spirituality and religion and god but it was gorgeous to watch. Especially the scene with the whale and the phosphoresce.

The Five Year Engagement (Airplane) - also a waste of talented actors who usually have chemistry. Emily Blount's character was so self centered and undeserving of her boyfriend. And I can't believe a town like Ann Arbor would not have one restaurant that would hire him. Also, I was glad when they broke up. Since I saw it on Qatar Air, they edited out the one scene I had heard about when he tries to fake an orgasm.

Total Recall (Airplane) - not as cheesy as the original Arnold Schwarznegger extravaganza but still enjoyable. Kate Beckinsale has become an odd parody of herself. I finally buy her as an action figure but her mean girl attitude from "Last Days of Disco" is in full effect as a villain. Maybe she should only play mean girl robots from now on. I was suprised Qatar air showed the three boobed prostitute. Was she wearing a bikini top in the original film? 

The dreadful:
Prometheus - so many problems with this movie.... so many many problems. This article sum up many of my problems with it...I left the movie furious and dying to discuss it with people and NOONE had seen it. I'm still waiting to hear from others who saw it.

Snow White and the Huntsman - ridiculous that Kristen Stewart can be cast in anything that demands any acting beyond looking like you might throw up. This video sums up the "Kristen Stewart school of acting" that was on full display in the film despite Charlize Theron's best efforts.

In the Cold Light of Day - straight to video normally, but because of the deficit of films in Bangkok - I went to see it. Really, not worth the time at all. I don't know who is trying to sell us Henry Cavill as a leading man but please just stop. It got a six on Rotten Tomatos. I think that should say something.

The Raven - ridiculous. John Cusack has joined the Nicholas Cage school of acting. "Shut it Bernice" was an actual line spoken by the so called 18th century villain. C'mon!

Young Adult (Airplane) - depressing and not funny at all although Patton Oswalt is great.

People Like Us (Airplane) - painfully bad and boring. I can't remember who the male lead was now but Michelle Pfeiffer and Elizabeth Banks deserve better. They are fantastic.

What to Expect when you are Expecting (Airplane) - you can always tell its going to be a bad movie when they have a long montage set to a mopey contemporary love song. Ugh. This clip is as bad as the movie.

Movies I wanted to see but didn't come to Thailand:
Anna Karenina

Silver Linings Playbook

Django Unchained

Friday, December 07, 2012

Tips on Preventing and Responding to Sexual Assault while Traveling

I was approached by a security consultant, Tanya Spencer, to write a chapter on tips for international travelers to prevent and react to sexual violence.  This is an issue I'm pretty passionate about as I've been working in a variety of places that are pretty sketchy but have always been pretty lucky. I actually first started thinking about this when I was in Paris three years ago and visiting a journalist friend. His young cousin was in town from the US and asked me how, as a woman, I handled my fear of being sexually assaulted or threatened while traveling. I hadn't thought about it properly but the conversation I started having with my female friends about this issue then morphed into some tips that we shared with other women going on their first missions. 

Below is the chapter from the upcoming book called: "Personal Security: A Guide for International Travelers," byTanya Spencer,  

ISBN: 9781466559448 
commissioned and published by Taylor and Francis, LLC.

Chapter 3 EXTREME RISKS - “Sexual Assault: Preventing And Responding As An International Traveler”
Sarah Martin, Consultant and Specialist on Prevention and Response to Gender-based Violence,

In general, women traveling in foreign countries have the same security concerns as men: Crime does not discriminate and having your hotel room burgled, wallet stolen, or being taken advantage of by a scam can happen to men and women. Therefore, many security measures are the same for men and women. But, a woman traveling alone can be seen as vulnerable  – particularly to sexual assault.

This section has been written with women in mind, but men may find that these safety measures are applicable to their own security awareness efforts as men can also be victims of rape or sexual assault. It has been compiled by reviewing the security manuals of World Vision, Care, and Refugees International. Other resources include the Médecins Sans Frontières “Guidelines for Medical and Psycho-social care of Rape Survivors”, interviews with women travelers in human rights, humanitarian action, and international business, and from my experiences traveling in over 50 countries and specializing in strengthening gender-based violence (GBV) prevention and response in humanitarian settings.

While an understanding and awareness of sexual assault can help you avoid dangerous situations, it is not always possible to prevent rape. Sexual assault is a violent crime and the onus of stopping sexual assault should be with the perpetrator, not the survivor.  With this in mind however, women are sometimes placed in danger while traveling and there are ways to mitigate some of your vulnerabilities. The following tips and ideas have been compiled to help travelers take precautions against sexual assault and respond if attacked. There are also suggestions on how to support a colleague if they are sexually assaulted while traveling.

Rape myths suggest that women are raped by strangers lurking in dark alleys. While this can happen, women are much more likely to be attacked by someone familiar to them – a co-worker, a driver, or a friend. Particularly while traveling, it makes sense to be extra cautious about socializing with men that you don’t know. Most men are unlikely to sexually assault women and women should not avoid all social engagements while traveling. But you should be aware that there have been cases of miscommunication between the sexes and of predatory men using tactics to take advantage of women travelers.

Stranger Dangers
To prevent “stranger dangers”, you should follow the appropriate advice in this book, including the primary advice of looking and acting confident, being alert, and using your common sense. Some additional general tips, specifically for women travelers though probably applicable to men too are:

Overall Tips
  • Practice situational awareness. Try practicing “soft vision” so your focus is not only on one point and your peripheral vision is turned on. It allows you to react faster if someone approaches you from the side. It's also good for staying tuned into the vibes in a room, so if other people are getting nervous you pick up on it right away.
  • Consider taking a self-defense course in your own country. They will teach you many good tips on general safety that are applicable to every country. Note: Many countries prohibit the importation of Mace or Pepper Spray. If you use this against your attacker, you may be charged with criminal assault yourself. Find out before you travel.
  • Learn a few words or phrases in the local language so that you can deter an offender or signal your need for help (i.e., “police” or “fire”). Studies have shown that people are more likely to respond to “Fire” than they are to “Rape”.
  • Avoid using an iPod or plugging anything into your ears that might make you less vigilant. This is especially true if you are walking home alone late at night, as you will not be able to hear anyone approaching you.
  • Consider putting maps on your smart phone so you look as if you are checking messages rather than looking at a map if you get lost. However, conspicuous use of a smart phone in a crime-ridden area may draw attention.

This is all in addition to the usual security precautions like avoiding walking in dark alleys, parks, or similarly desolated places at night, using trusted taxi drivers/ companies instead of hailing one from the street, and checking the quality of your hotel door’s bolts and chain.

  • Avoid full names on luggage tags. Use your first initial and avoid Ms. or Mrs. Some con men will read your name off your baggage tags and attempt to strike up a conversation with you by calling out your first name. They may also use this information to call your hotel to get more information on you.
  • Keep the door to your room open when a male staff member is in with you. Male hotel staff are often solicited for sex so may offer their “services” to you. Be firm about turning them down and if they are harassing you, report them to hotel management. If you are in a chain hotel, be sure to report to the management headquarters rather than just the local manager. It also helps to check or other travel websites to see if other solo travelers have reported problems.
  • Maintain friendly relations with female staff in the hotel. They may be able to provide support to you if male staff is sexually harassing you.
  • For long-term housing, consider sharing a residence with another woman or living in a group home or apartment.
  • Carry “Blu-tak” with you when traveling. It is very useful for to make sure curtains close all the way (hair clips can also work for this purpose). It can also be used to put up newspapers or cloth over a window that has no coverings to prevent peeping toms.
  • Always wear pajamas or a nightgown that you could run into the streets in. Sleeping naked or in a revealing nightgown might make you think twice before running out of your hotel room in case of an assault.

In Delhi, India, I was staying in a 3 star hotel with a “push button” lock and a chain on the door. Late at night, my colleague came over to share some documents with me and when she left, I forgot to re-chain the door. At 6am,  I awoke to a hotel employee entering with no knock and no call of “housekeeping”. He ran out when I shouted. I ran down to the front desk to complain and they defended the employee. The male desk attendant began to shout at me and when I asked to file a complaint with the manager, I was ignored. Lesson Learned: always make sure your door is locked and hotel staff cannot open it from the outside.

Consider bringing a door wedge to place under the door to delay an intruder from getting the door open. Some women suggest bringing a travel lock or a bicycle chain-lock to secure doors. Make sure the bolts work or change rooms. While this applies to all travelers, experience shows that women are particularly vulnerable in their accommodation and by following the basic precautions, they avoided attempts by men to enter their room.

Taxis And Hired Drivers
  • Always look at the ID tag of your taxi driver. Check that the ID tag of your taxi driver matches that of the driver. Don’t be afraid to get another cab if not.
  • Be extremely vigilant if your taxi has central locking. You may be locked in without your permission.
  • Some women put the identification number of a taxi driver in their mobile phones or take a photo of the driver/photo id when they get into cabs to make it easier to report any problems.
  • Try to travel with another person in the cab if you have been drinking so the taxi driver doesn’t take advantage of your impaired state.
  • Use a driver you trust –establish a business relationship with a regular “Taxi Guy” – ask your colleagues for a reference for one. Don’t become overly “familiar” with your driver. In many cultures, men think that familiarity is an advance and feel free to approach you.
  • Stand in a lighted and populated area if you’re waiting for your driver to arrive at night. A common mistake that many women make is to wait at their “usual” spot even if it is dark and there’s no people around.

Driving Alone
  • Do a defensive driving course if you are going to the field or a place with bad roads / drivers. You should know how to drive in sand, mud etc so you avoid getting stuck. It always helps to be able to drive yourself so you are not vulnerable if something happens to the driver.
  • Know how to change a tire so you don’t spend hours on the side of the road. Make sure your car is kitted out properly with spares and all necessary tools.
  • If driving at night in a dangerous city or a badly lit area, see if you can drive in convoy with friends. Always know your route especially when driving at night.
  • Insist that your car have “anti-smash and grab” windows, particularly in countries where carjacking and violent robberies are common.
  • Have your mobile phone (or radio) and your keys out as you walk to your car, whether you are parked in the parking lot or on the street. You don’t want to be digging in your bag standing in front of your car door. Keep your mobile phone easily accessible so you don’t have to fumble in your purse looking for it.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask someone to accompany you to your car at night. Make sure this is someone you can trust.

Avoiding Unwanted Male Attention
  • Consider Your Attire. Women's dress can be a major issue in some developing countries. In some countries, it is considered provocative to show your legs, in others your shoulders, and in others, your hair. In some Islamic countries, women cover themselves from head to toe to avoid unwanted attention. When in doubt, the best option is to dress like a local – see what your female counterparts are wearing. Learn the local dress code as soon as you arrive; buy appropriate clothing locally if necessary. While opinions differ on wearing headscarves, it is useful to dress respectfully of local customs. Covering will not prevent sexual assault (as women from that country who dress modestly are also sexually assaulted) but will help avoid unwanted or lewd attention, and other harassment by local men. Unfortunately, many men in developing countries believe the rumor that Western women are “easy” or that women in bars alone are prostitutes. By not drawing further attention to yourself, you can avoid unwanted advances.
  • Consider wearing a wedding ring or wearing one of your rings on the traditional “wedding ring” finger. Especially in conservative countries, a married woman is viewed as the property of another man and therefore off limits. Single women can be considered “available” for all sexual contact. In crime prone areas, make sure it doesn’t look too expensive so it doesn’t become a target!
  • Avoid prolonged eye contact with men. Prolonged eye contact with a man is an invitation to flirt. In some developing countries or some societies, any eye contact at all may be considered carte blanche to approach you. Eye contact also may be considered disrespectful in some countries and may invite aggressive behavior from strangers. Wearing sunglasses can help reduce unwanted eye contact. Talk with local women to learn the rules.
  • Bring a book or computer to restaurants or hotel bars when dining alone so as to discourage unwanted male attention (although a computer may draw attention to you as “rich” in some places and make you a target for crime). Sit at a table for one rather than the bar. Politely but firmly (and if necessary, loudly) state that you do not wish to be disturbed if another diner is aggressively soliciting you. If you leave the dining room, linger in the lobby near the front desk before going to your room to insure you are not being followed or ask a member of the hotel staff to accompany you to your room.

In 2003, I learned the hard way that a woman sitting alone at a bar is an open invitation to sexual advances. In Gisenyi, Rwanda, I was sitting at the bar in my hotel eating a bowl of Spaghetti Bolognese and a man sat beside me ignoring all of my attempts to be curt and signaling him to leave me alone. Finally, I paid my bill and stood up to leave. He grabbed my wrist strongly and said he would accompany me to my room. I loudly said “I am not interested in you. Leave me alone and do not touch me.” Luckily this embarrassed him and he dropped my hand. I then asked the front desk clerk to walk me to my room. However, I felt nervous for the rest of my stay and ate my dinners in my room after that. Now I usually take a table instead of sitting at the bar and that discourages most unwanted advances.

Dangers From “Friends”
While avoiding stranger dangers is relatively easy to do, dangers from friends, associates, and colleagues can be more of a challenge because these are men in your daily life and for vast majority of them, they present no danger to you. “Sophie’s” story can show how even “fun” coworkers can be a threat.

One of the problems we have is stressed-out aid workers going out dancing and drinking after a long hard day. The women want to dance and have fun but some men don’t know how to stop at no. I had a friend who had to come into my room and stay with me for the night because her supervisor kept calling her on the phone and knocking on her door all night trying to have sex with her. She felt like it was her fault because she had danced with him that night but because he was married, she thought it was safe. 

Every woman has the right to go to dinner with friends, wear what she likes and act in the way that she chooses and not be raped. However, when traveling in a culture that is foreign to you, an ounce of caution can help improve your safety and maintain your security.

Social Situations
  • Exercise caution when meeting someone you don’t know well. An evening date with a group of people to a public place is far safer than an evening alone with a new acquaintance. If you are going out alone, be sure to make sure someone knows where you are going and when you expect to return. Make an appointment to check in with a friend or security if unsure about the person you are meeting. You can also tell your date that you have a security curfew and must check in with the security officer.
  • Speak up! Communicate your wishes clearly. Be sure to make male acquaintances know that you are meeting for business or friendship purposes. Do not invite business acquaintances to your hotel room, ask them to wait in the lobby while you go up to the room.
  • Assert yourself. Insist on being treated with respect and remind the acquaintance of what is unacceptable in your own culture.
  • Be cautious when accepting food or drink from strangers in restaurants or bars. There have been many reported cases of women being drugged and sexually assaulted by men who buy them drinks in bars. Rohypnol (the brand name of Flunitrazepam), or "roofie", is a Benzodiazapine, a prescription pill similar to Valium that can be ground up and mixed into a drink by someone who wishes to rob or sexually assault you. They cause sedation, a feeling of extreme intoxication, and amnesia. The drug's amnesiac effect lasts at least eight hours and most people have no memory of events while you under the drug's influence.
    • Roofies may have a bitter taste when dissolved in alcohol; be alert to a strange taste in your drink. When placed in a light-colored drink, some will turn the beverage blue. If your water or gin and tonic turns blue, dump it and be especially alert; someone has tried to drug you.
    • If you suddenly feel unusually drunk after just a small amount of alcohol, quickly ask for help (preferably not from the strange man next to you at the bar who may have given you the roofie) - you might have just a few minutes of alert behavior left to you.
    • Don't drink anything you did not open yourself or that you didn't see being opened or poured.
    • Don't accept a drink from someone you don't know unless you see it being opened or poured by a bartender.
    • Always watch your drink at parties and bars. If you leave your drink unattended, get a fresh one to be on the safe side. (Rohipynol advice taken from Student Travel Advice from Iona College at

Most female travelers probably have read similar advice about protecting your drinks (and food) while out. 

Carol, an international development worker, shows that a bartender can also be part of the threat scene. In this case, it would have been better to heed the forewarning about the reputation of the establishment and avoid it.

"In East Timor, there was a nightclub that was notorious for women being drugged and sexually assaulted. Everybody knew it was a problem so they kept their drinks close. However, a friend of mine was drugged and made it home safely. She reported it to the owners who were aware of the problem and trying to investigate to see if it was anyone who worked with them. Another friend woke up next to a man she knew the next morning who treated her very rudely. She had no memory of going home with him or even flirting with him. We suspected it was a bartender and that men would bribe him to drug women they found attractive.":

Sexual Harassment at the work place
Many security manuals focus on the issue of assault by a stranger. Unfortunately, sexual harassment by co-workers in the field is also a problem. Studies have shown that women are more likely to be sexually assaulted by someone that they are acquainted with than by a stranger. Seemingly mild-mannered colleagues can become sexually aggressive when out of their normal world. Spending long hours in bars or hotels socializing with female colleagues can cause them to throw caution to the wind and act in ways they might never consider in their home country. Alcohol can exacerbate this problem.

Many companies have a sexual harassment policy but still employees are often intimidated or afraid to react because of fear of not being taken seriously or because of the difference in authority between the aggressor and the employee. In my line of work, as a specialist on gender-based violence, I’ve heard too many stories like Julia’s.

One of my first volunteering abroad experiences, I met another foreign woman in a cafe and we were chatting about our jobs working for charities. She eventually disclosed that a colleague in the organization that she worked for had sexually assaulted her. She felt like she could do very little because of his position, the importance of their work and her fear of disrupting it, and a host of other reasons. So she was telling this stranger (me) in a café rather than reporting it to her office

Read up on your company’s sexual harassment policy. If they do not have one, demand that Human Resources create one! Many organizations have insufficient sexual assault policies that provide very little support for the survivor and are designed by insurance agencies to protect the organization. Women should read these policies before traveling and know what support you can get from your organization, if a colleague or someone outside the organization sexually assaults you. 

This is Lina’s advice, vowing to never again accept a superior brushing aside sexual harassment.

"I was sexually harassed by a colleague, repeatedly, during one of my early field assignments. Our boss would insist that we go into the field together – sometimes this meant lengthy car rides, with ample opportunity for him to put his hand on my leg, proposition me, or ask me “do you know how beautiful you are?” As, I was in my early 20s, and new to international work, I hesitated before complaining to the boss. When I did, I should have been better prepared. I didn’t know if the organization had a sexual harassment policy. I should have checked. He said that because I am from that part of the world, I should know how the men are. “Do you expect him to admit to it?” he asked me. “It would be like nailing jello to the wall”. I’ll never forget his response – and never accept that as an answer again."

If you find yourself in a similar situation, the best advice is to:
  • Tell your colleague firmly and clearly that his actions are making you uncomfortable and you consider it to be sexual harassment (or that they are in violation of your company’s sexual harassment policies). If possible, put this in writing so you have proof for management.
  • Maintain professional boundaries with colleagues and limit alcohol consumption, if necessary. While socializing can be a fun and sometimes, necessary part of your travel, having clear boundaries can stop any potential miscommunication.
  • Do not be afraid to report problems to your superiors. Do it early. Keep a written log.

What to do if sexually harassed physically threatened or attacked
There is no single right or wrong way to respond to an attack and each situation is different. Only you can decide whether or not to resist your attacker. You can try to: talk your way out of it, give in to the demands made of you, shout for help, flee or fight. Note: Never risk your life or safety for material possessions – your principle objective in any assault is to survive with as little harm as possible.

Sexual Harassment
  • Ignore the advance. If a man is trying to get a reaction and finds he cannot, he may stop.
  • Confront him. If you politely ask, “Were you speaking to me?” the annoying party may feel embarrassed, especially if his actions were based on fear or insecurity.
  • Get help. Do not try to cope alone.
  • Say no - If you're being groped or touched inappropriately in a crowd, know how to say, "Leave me alone!" or “Do not touch me!” loudly in the local language. Learn how to shout “Police” or “Fire” to draw attention.
  • Find a local woman or group of women to help you if you are being pressured or followed by a strange man. In many countries, women will gather around someone being harassed and denounce the man publically.

Physical or Sexual Assault
  • Do not hesitate to call attention to yourself if you are in danger: scream, shout, run, or sound the horn of your vehicle. Dress in ways that do not limit your movements (long tight skirts or very high heels).
  • If you think you're going to be raped, some women travelers have suggested making yourself as physically unpleasant as possible by pretending to vomit. Others have suggested trying to kick or strike the attacker’s genitals although it may encourage further violence from the assailant or an arrest for assault in some countries where women have few rights.
  • Shout “FIRE!” or “POLICE!” in the local language as unfortunately, studies have shown that people are reluctant to be involved in rape and may not intervene if you shout “RAPE!”.
  • Carrying a whistle has been recommended by some travelers as this will draw attention to you and discourage the perpetrator.

If you've been sexually assaulted or raped
It's not your fault. Remember: Nothing that you have done has caused you to be raped and you may not have been able to prevent it. Social stigma and dangerous myths still remain (in all countries) and the people whose job it is to assist or support you in this situation may not. You have the right to pursue the treatment you need and the right not to report the rape if that is what you wish to do.

In a foreign land, the social services that you expect from your home country may not be available. Most legal systems are woefully unsupportive of rape survivors. You can seek in-country support for accessing services and guidance on appropriate approaches to authorities. Your embassy can assist in sending assistance in some cases or in recommending an embassy approved medical practitioner. If in a humanitarian setting, some NGOs such as Médecins Sans Frontières or the International Rescue Committee can provide support and medical care as they are situated to provide services to rape survivors. Most medical organizations should have Post-exposure Prophylaxis for HIV prevention from needle sticks for employees.

You can seek help if you are the victim of this crime of violence. You are in control of what happens next. Seeking medical care from local providers or reporting to the police may not be a prudent option but the choice is yours. Local colleagues can offer some advice on this matter as they will be familiar with the reputation of local hospitals, police departments, and other services.

Medical Care
There are many steps you can take to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy, HIV/AIDS infection and sexually transmitted infections. These actions are time sensitive. Find medical help immediately. You can insist on having a female medical person present – although lack of certified trained female practioners is a problem in many countries. You can also ask for a female nurse to be with you during the medical exam. Many countries have mandatory reporting laws and the physician is required to report the assault to the police. In all cases, you should insist on medical attention first as many of the steps outlined below are time sensitive.

If medical care is not available, there are some actions you can take yourself to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy or HIV infection.
  • Within 72 hours of a sexual assault, in order to reduce risk of HIV infection, you can take post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP), an anti-retroviral. Ideally, the PEP should be administered within 4 hours of the attack. PEP is administered for 28 days and can have some rather severe side effects so should be administered by a medical professional who can provide counseling to help you. Many health care agencies have PEP available for accidental needle sticks or assaults on their employees. If the hospital near you does not carry it, approach medical officers in embassies or large corporations.

  • Within 5 days (or 120 hours), you can receive emergency contraception to prevent pregnancy. Emergency contraception is usually a heavy dose of oral contraception (available in many pharmacies as “the morning after pill” or the “La pilule du lendemain” in French or “La píldora del día después” in Spanish.) If you don’t have access to “emergency contraception” but have access to oral contraceptives (birth control pills) check and see if you can put together 1.5 mg of Levonorgestrel. This pill should be taken as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the less effective it becomes.
  • If you go not get your period within 21 days, you should seek out further medical care. Some female travelers carry emergency contraceptive pills with them in remote areas in order to be able to prevent pregnancy in case of rape.
  • You should get a tetanus shot if there has been broken skin.
  • STI treatments: You may be at risk for transmission of Hepatitis B, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, or Chancroid. Seek medical attention as soon as possible to be treated for these illnesses.

Legal Response: To report or not?
If you are assaulted, you must decide whether or not to report the crime. If you report the crime, in most cases the police will want to question you about the circumstances of the event and in most countries, will likely demand a hospital examination. Most developing countries are not well-trained or supported in providing services to rape survivors. You might find that you are subjected to unnecessary medical investigations, responsible for providing proof of the rape and treated with judgment and lack of empathy.  Reporting sexual assault is encouraged in order to punish the perpetrator and prevent attacks on other women, but it is a personal matter for you to decide whether or not you wish to pursue legal action. In some countries, the treatment by the legal system may further traumatize you and not lead to prosecution so decide for yourself what you wish to do and do not allow anyone to pressure you.

Getting support from your employer
Do not be afraid to ask work for some time off – use sick leave or personal leave since it is not vacation time.  You are entitled to recovery from these incidents: Your agency should support (and possibly fund) this. Ask human resources about identifying counselors or therapists who can be available to you (either in your home office or via phone if you choose to stay in the field). It’s important to ask about how much counseling your agency will pay for. Many survivors find that they need to talk in confidence to someone to deal with trauma around the event – someone who is not related to their workplace.

Supporting a colleague who has been sexually assaulted or raped
In some cases, you may be traveling with someone who has been raped. This causes a lot of anxiety and fear as people may be afraid to “do the wrong thing” or further traumatize the survivor. It is important for survivors to know that they went through abnormal events and that their emotional reaction to those events is normal. Guilty feelings may appear, therefore it is important to communicate explicitly that sexual violence is not the fault of the survivor. There are many myths, false beliefs, and misconceptions around sexual violence. Many cultures blame the victim for the sexual assault. If the individual expresses feelings of shame or guilt, be sure to address them directly. Give a clear message that sexual violence is never the fault of the survivor: The crime is the fault of the perpetrator.

There are ways that you can help your colleague recover from this criminal act. As rape is an extremely disempowering experience, your focus should be on trying to empower the survivor in all areas possible, restoring her ability to feel that she has control over her body (by asking consent before each action – calling the police, informing your office, hugging or touching her, etc), and reducing further victimization by avoiding diminishing her control over the situation (not talking about her without her consent) or taking decisions for her. Do not pressure the survivor to take decisions she is not comfortable with. In general:
·       Be respectful
·       Maintain confidentiality
·       Be non-judgmental
·       Be consistent
·       Be patient
·       Be empathetic
·       Allow the person to cry
·       Avoid “Why Questions”
·       Don’t force the person to talk if they do not want to.
·       Don’t criticize their choices.
·       Support them in their choice to leave the situation or maintain working if they desire it.

"Four Hours in Jail for Not Trusting My Instinct" Solene, humanitarian aid worker 
I'm used to traveling alone, but one time in Dakar, I was on a work trip with my husband. We went to a colleague's house who invited us for a drink at his local bar. When we arrived, I looked around and realized that we were the only foreigners and this place was obviously not safe! I thought we should left immediately. But then I thought, don't worry you're not alone this time, don't be paranoid, and I ended up not saying anything.... And we stayed. 15 minutes later the police raided the bar, arrested 2 or 3 drug users (dealers?) and ended up arresting us after my co-worker argued with them. The cops said it's unlawful to be out without your passport when you're a foreigner so we spent 4 hours under arrest until someone at my office came to negotiate our release. That night I learned a big lesson: trust your instinct at all times. If you feel something is wrong with the place, leave (and carry a copy of your passport at all times)!

 “Hotel Allowed Someone To Bribe Their Way Into My Room: Luckily, It Was My Boyfriend”
Anita, international business traveler
I was in Nairobi for business and my boyfriend was going to fly in to meet me at the hotel. His flight was really late so I fell asleep waiting for him. I woke up terrified to the presence of someone in the room. My boyfriend had arrived, and wanting to 'surprise' me, he was able to bribe the clerk to let him into my room. Thankfully it was only my (now ex!) boyfriend. Always keep the chain on the door.

Monday, December 03, 2012

Gender-based Violence and Security

This blog post was published by USAID to coincide with the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-based Violence event, “Who Takes Care of the Caregivers?  Providing Care and Safety for Staff in Gender-based Violence Settings,” taking place on Thursday, Nov. 29th 2012 in Washington DC, hosted by the Inter-Agency Gender Working Group, funded by USAID. It was originally posted at:

Gender-based Violence (GBV) is an issue that impacts aid workers – not just beneficiaries and not just staff that works in GBV settings. This post examines agencies’ duty to care for their workers by preventing and responding to GBV.

“Keeping International Workers Safe:  Preventing and Responding to Gender-based Violence”
Sarah Martin, Consultant and Specialist on Prevention and Response to Gender-based Violence

The sexual assault of the journalists Lara Logan, Mona Eltahawy and two unnamed British and French journalists in Egypt shocked the world and brought the issue of gender-based violence (GBV) against Westerners working in conflict areas to the forefront. Clearly GBV does not only affect the "locals" in these areas. Not only are journalists at risk but also aid workers–and not just in conflict settings or in GBV program areas.

I recently interviewed a large cross section of women travelers who work in a number of fields (including international development, human rights, humanitarian action and international business) about their experiences as women while traveling and working overseas*.  Many of them brought up their frustration that sexual harassment and sexual assault were never raised in security trainings and that agencies refused to address this as a real security concern. Increasingly, aid agencies are providing more “realistic” security trainings that simulate “hostile environments to prepare their employees for gunfire, kidnappings and other events in the field.”  While some of these trainings talk about sexual assault, there are no discussions of how to prevent sexual assault or how to react or support colleagues if they are assaulted. Sexual harassment in the workplace as a security issue is often ignored. In addition, the purveyors of these trainings are mostly male and show little awareness to the issue of sexual assault or the gender concerns of female trainees. I recently attended one such training where one of the participants relived her own sexual assault from years ago while undergoing a simulated “kidnapping.” While they took her out of the simulation, there were no psychologists or female trainers available to talk to her. 

Female development and aid workers have the same security concerns as their male counterparts: crime and landmine accidents and armed robberies do not discriminate. Security measures, trainings, and manuals are the same for men and women, and most agencies take a ‘gender-blind’ approach to security. Most security officers are men, and many of them come from a military background. This gender-blind approach to security, however, leaves out a major issue.  Women also face another security threat that most men do not encounter – gender-based violence, namely sexual harassment and sexual violence.

Rape myths promote the false idea that women are only sexually assaulted by strangers. While this can happen, women are much more likely to be attacked by someone familiar to them – a co-worker, a driver, or a friend. Most of the women I interviewed shared stories about fending off sexual harassment by colleagues or actual cases of sexual assault in the field. 

Rarely is their organization prepared to handle these issues. While there has been some action taken on “building safe organizations” – the focus has been preventing sexual exploitation of our beneficiaries by our staff. But there is not sufficient attention paid to sexual harassment of our staff by our staff or adequate support for staff that have been sexually assaulted. There is little information in the security manuals that I have reviewed about what medical care a survivor may need or what rights a sexual assault survivor might have. Nor is there guidance on reporting to local authorities, human resources or guarantees of confidentiality. Responsible employers must be prepared to understand and deal with the fact that their employees might become victims of sexual assault [1] and should be prepared to support them. This means bringing the issue of sexual assault up in security trainings and sensitizing the trainers and security personnel on how to address the issue – but not by restricting women’s access to “dangerous areas” but by making sure female employees are informed of the dangers, provided with information on how to protect themselves, and given sensitive and adequate support by their organizations in case the worst happens.

[1] Global statistics show that 1 out of 3 women has experienced some form of sexual harassment or assault.
 * From the chapter I wrote entitled “Sexual Assault: Preventing And Responding As An International Travelers in the book Personal Security: A Guide for International Travelers, by Tanya Spencer, ISBN: 9781466559448 commissioned and published by Taylor and Francis, LLC.

Sunday, December 02, 2012

Reading, Emotional Healing, and 2012

I've joined a virtual writing group developed by my friend Saleem and I'm quite enjoying it. 2012 has been marked by a feeling of disengagement and detachment and being connected to friends in far away countries has been very helpful for me. We were discussing the books that we read in 2012 that we liked a lot and I adapted my response for the blog to share with you all - faithful readers.

I like Goodreads (a social network for readers and writers) because it fits the "librarian inside" of me... I can sort the books I've read by categories, analyze trends, keep track, and challenge myself. I'm in a challenge this year to read 43 books. Last year I only managed 25 - an all time low for me but also a symptom of a pretty unhealthy year - spending hours on social media feeling lonely and unattached from the world and being strung along in a pretty unfulfilling relationship. It seemed like a marker of unhealthiness... I could only process short things online and my attention span was getting shorter and shorter.

And this year, I notice that I started out with very easy to digest books (which coincides with me leaving my job at the UN and coming to terms with the fact that I didn't have a full time job or attend school full time for the first time since I was 18 years old.) So as my mental health got steadier, I notice that my reading got deeper. And then I re-approached it as a pleasurable activity again.

But I also like knowing what my friends are reading. I miss my book club from Washington DC and in my sad little Asia expat life, I find that no one here reads. They may have read 50 Shades of Grey or the latest UN communique but who is reading anything else? I'm not even sure how to go about finding other readers because I'm sure they are here.

So my Goodreads feed has my bookish friends in it. I can comment and discuss with my friend Celeste and her husband in Ireland about the latest Booker winners, I was following a War and Peace reading club with another Irish friend, an Italian friend has plunged into obscure Polish novels and now I'm intrigued, a virtual friend from Germany reviews feminist novels for her grad school, and a friend from South Carolina is always reading funny things and writing great reviews.  My DC bookclub friends were on it for a while but they seem to have disbanded so I guess they are not reading either. So for me, Goodreads helps me keep in touch with literature in this shallow bubble in Bangkok.

So - no big thundering novels from 2012's infant terribles this year but the books that I liked that I read in 2012 include:

Jeanette Wintersen: Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal?
(loved Oranges are Not the Only Fruit and the Passion... I want to re-read them now)

William Boyd's Waiting for Sunrise (I quite love William Boyd - I've been hooked since the Ice Cream War)

Marguerite Duras: The Lover (beautiful and tiny and exquisite) plus I read it while going down the Mekong..

Hillary Mantel's:  Wolf Hall (a book I had schlepped along to probably 12 countries before I just plunged in and then I couldn't stop)

Arundhati Roy's God of Small Things.  I had a snit for a few years where I didn't want to read Indian novels by Feminist writers because it seemed like such a cliche. Instead I wanted to read books by old white men -prferebly English. I do still love the way of writing that the old masters from the turn of the century have but I'm starting to open back up my mind again and not be judged by what people think about what I read.

I love the humor and humanity of Colin Cotterill's Dr. Siri novels aboul Laos in the 70s. I love Henning Mankell's dreary and resigned Kurt Wallendar. I like the funny and dry Inspector Van Wetteren from Hakan Nesser's books. I like a good psychological thriller like Eric Ambler's books. And I like the sensation of being drawn into a book, being unable to put it down and caring so much about the characters.

This year, I can chart my emotional healing through the novels I've read. I started out with adolescent literature - the Hunger Games. It allowed me to accept the angry adolescent inside - its not fair! why does it happen to me? I'm helpless! and then I slowly turned to the mystery genre - I'm solving problems, I'm in an odd situation but I have to make the most of it, and the soothing repetitiveness of my favorite detectives - Kurt, Dr. Siri, Inspector VV... and now, I'm back: Into Tudor England with Anne Boleyn, Going through the crazy Soviet regime of The Master and Margarita, into Kerala where women are not free to have the lovers they want and seek help from the God of Small Things, in McCarthyite Asheville North Carolina longing for Frida Kahlo in Kingsolver's Lacuna, and now discovering the elegant and intriguing expat world of Mavis Gallant (thanks to my friend Saleem). It feels good to plunge back into books again and turn my back on Facebook and Gawker and re-experience what it feels like to lose myself in another world.  

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Men to talk about during a hurricane

So I came to New York City on vacation and ended up being stranded in NYC for the giant Hurricane Sandy with my college friend , Ellen, and we have reverted back to our 18 year old selves.


Channing Tatum. Did you see him in Magic Mike????

Ryan Reynolds : what the hell was Scarlett Johansson thinking?

Javier Bardem: we both fell in love with him in Vicky Christina Barcelona. Even as a serial killer , he is hot.

Matt Damon. I love him! She prefers Ben Affleck. I am hot for Ben Affleck in Argo. I decided to show her the "I'm fucking Matt Damon" video. A hit.

Monday, August 27, 2012

The Life of a Thai Motor Taxi Driver

I returned from my vacation in Europe yesterday to learn that one of the five motorcycle taxi guys who work outside my apartment building had died.

Every morning, when I leave the apartment building, I say "Sawadee Kha" to the two security guards, stop and admire the turtles in the big pond out front, and then step out into the "soi" (alley) where the motorcycle taxi stand sits. There are five guys who work there and they are as familiar to me as the turtles and the lobby. In the morning, they are often busy ferrying people to and from work but by the time I come out, they are often hanging out and bored. I chat with them a little bit - joke about who will take me where - and then climb aboard to start my day. I love riding down the soi with the wind blowing in my hair and zipping around the turns. I trust them with my life and my safety and I never wear a helmet.

I don't know anything about them - they call me Madam. I know one guy's name. But still I feel like they are a part of my Bangkok life and I like them and look forward to seeing them.

There is:

The fat guy on the yellow motorbike. he's the oldest. He will often very much over charge me to go to Emporia or places that are a bit further away. I prefer not to take him because of this fact and that he's not very chatty. But I always say hello.

Wang Chai - the only one whose name I know. He's young, well dressed, sometimes dyes his hair red. Wears gold chains. he speaks pretty good English and told me if I want to go to the beach, he can rent a car and take me. I took him up on it and it was fine except he charged me almost 1000 baht more than I could have taken a taxi for. Since I wanted to give him business and I like him, I accepted it but since then, I've been a bit wary since he seems to be a bit of a smooth talker. He picks me up if he sees me walking down the street and doesn't charge me. He's funny and we laugh a lot.

The short one who wears a cap all the time. he's very funny and smiley and always calls me "Madam". He likes to touch my leg and talk to me when we're going down the soi. He told me that his friend died. He said the guy who died is named Wan. We went to the shrink today and he remembered the way even though its been 6 weeks since I was there last. He always puts his arm out for me to balance on when getting off the bike.

The other kind of fatty guy who looks like the short guy. Also funny and sweet. I rarely see him drunk. I think he has a gold tooth. He is a bit more reserved than the other guys. But always safe and nice. Polite too.

The skinny smoking guy. A bit of acne scarring on his face, very thin, likes to drink hard every night with the Cambodian/Lao/Thai people who live in the squat next door. I fear it is him that has died. Every night he would stay til about 9:30 or 10pm drinking whisky with the guys next door. he liked me and would always pick me up if he saw me walking or offer me a free ride when he was drunk. A happy drunk.

I asked the lady at the front desk what happened but she couldn't really tell me. I felt so sad that I don't know all their names. They are a part of my every day life in Bangkok and sometimes the only people I talk to. Normally, they cheer me up every morning with our little interactions.

My friend Marise was here a few weeks ago and we were talking about Thailand. We came home to my apartment and the skinny one was drunk and being super friendly - grabbing at my hand. I said that I saw him drunk every night, that he cycled home to god knows where, but was always there in the morning to work. We speculated on how much money they must make - I myself spend about 80 baht a day (2 euros) on transport and there are 60 apartments in my building plus all the staff. I had recently read an article about the union and how it works. Some of the guys have insurance. They all wear helmets. And they have to pay to the "syndicate" to work on the corner. "Ah," she said, "the life of a Thai Motor Taxi Driver."

Now I wonder what their life is like when they aren't napping by my apartment building? I once brought them all some beer and dropped it off. I wanted to sit and drink it with them but was sure that if I was TOO familiar, it would open myself up to some unwanted advance and then my happy friendly relationship with them would be over. I am sure they are all married. WangChai told me he was not. But I know they must have girlfriends, wives, children - people who miss them and wonder what they are doing all day. Do they make up stories about us - the weird farang who live in the rich persons building and go about our mundane lives every day? I go to the psychologist's office which I think they think is my office. I go to Emporia to the movies sometimes, to Terminal 21 for lunch, pedicures, or the gym. How odd they must think I am - always alone but suddenly with a group of friends that they never see again. No boyfriend, Madam? they always ask. But they seem happy to see me when I return from the airport and in a way, are my family here in Bangkok.

And now one of them is dead. I have seen the Fat guy, Wang Chai, and the Short Guy. Which leaves the skinny guy and the fattish guy left. I fear and suspect it is the skinny guy. He drank a lot. Perhaps it got him in the end as he made a bad turn on the bike. He must leave behind a grieving family. And I didn't even know his name. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Things you can do in Amsterdam but not in Bangkok

Bangkok to Amsterdam!

Walk several blocks without breaking into a sweat...

Ride on the canal without having to cover your face for fear of being splashed by toxic water! 

See the city transformed into a beautiful museum when the sun comes out in the summer!

 Ride your bike down bike paths without being killed by crazy Motorcycle taxi guys...

Sit in the park under the shade of tree and not have to be chilled down by the mall next door.

Additional bonuses:

Eat fresh bread and goat cheese at almost every restaurant...

Admire good looking blonde people cycling in high heels and/or business suits....

Drink a good glass of wine that costs less than 4 euros...

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Lancing the boil

haven't talked that much about therapy in my blog but I am in it and I am a fan. Today I had a very painful session but I feel great. I feel like I lanced a 33 year old boil. I feel a little raw but some how happy and optimistic. Thanks to my great shrink!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Buddhist ceremony for the deceased

Today, the building I live in had a ceremony to mark the passing of Ms. Eileen Kenwood, the elderly lady who died so terribly at the beginning of the month. For more information on Thai ceremonies, you can go here

Sunday, July 08, 2012

4th of July: Bangkok Style

I think I've always celebrated the 4th of July (or Independence Day), no matter where I am. Now for most of my life that meant living on a US Military base (where of course you celebrate), living in South Carolina, or Washington DC (where how can you NOT celebrate? Its the nation's capitol!)
I know I sponsored a barbecue one year in Amsterdam at the Vondelpark where I made potato salad. One memorable year, I went with my sister to Iowa where I managed to offend my cousins by writing about the pie auction
Last year at this time, I was in Bangkok and knew about 20 people (mostly Americans) and I invited them all over to my friend Carol's house for the 4th of July. We celebrated it, as you do overseas, on the following weekend. Last year we called it the "Ambivalent Americans and the Coalition of the Willing" and we served Oscar Myers hotdogs (or weiners as my dad called them), hamburgers, my dad's famous potato salad, and jello. We had lots of beer and wine and partied out on the front porch with Bruce Springsteen and other "American" tunes playing from my iPod. It was a rousing success as it continued on throughout the massive rain storm and all the neighbors came to play and there were kids and drinking and dancing.

This year, I know only 2 people still in Bangkok - one American. The 4th of July was a Wednesday and I met two more on Independence Day at a wine bar where we ate tapas and got to know each other. So, in order to make sure my American citizenship was not taken away from me for forgetting to show sufficient patriotism, I went to the American Chamber of Commerce Fourth of July picnic at the KIT school with 3 of my American friends in Bangkok. In some ways, this celebration was more American than any of my previous 4th of July parties! Below are some of the snapshots I took. 

There were four or five different bands that played- mostly roots rock and classic rock (including Jump! by Van Halen and It's my life by Bon Jovi) but also some great bluesy rock. The bands were inevitably filled with middle aged to straight on OLD men with young 20s looking drummers. It was hot and humid and since its rainy season here - overcast but still hot. Nothing says 4th of July like sweating your ass off sitting outside in the sun. 

One of my favorite parts was the ability to take your photos with Barack Obama and Michelle Obama which I took advantage of...

Many different corporations had bought or sponsored games and boothes. Considering how many old men were there, it was heartening to see that many of the international hospitals were sponsoring activities.

There was a chili cook off and you could purchase Singha beer or Thai wine or coca-cola. 

There was a children's section with face painting and popcorn and clowns making balloon animals. There was a bouncy castle, a bucking bronco, and a climbing wall. There was tug-of-war, egg toss, a pie eating contest, and other classic American picnic games. 
There was even Apple Pie!

Old Man sang the American Anthem and Little Girl sang the Thai anthem.

It was a great mix of Americans and Thais. Lots of bi-racial kids running around with very very old white fathers and young-ish mothers. But also some young American teens who got very drunk and ruined the pie eating contest.  Just like America! 

They played the Star Spangled Banner, our national anthem, and the US Ambassador was there. Speeches were made, we all got a bit teary during the national anthem and I marveled at just how young the marine color guard was. I thought about how happy I was that they were stationed in Bangkok and not Afghanistan but how they probably felt a bit annoyed about it and consoled themselves with the bar girls. 

So on this 4th of July as I feel a bit blue and wondering where I am going with my life, I thought about my "traditional" 4th of July growing up. Often one of the families that we were friends with would have a picnic. I grew up in a two culture household although it was British and American rather than Thai and American. But me and the other bi-cultural kids would run around in the heat, playing games, getting into fights, and sometimes swimming in a pool while the parents got drunk, cooked hotdogs, and hung out. And because I grew up in a military family, we always got out the flag and sang the national anthem. And I was taught to stand very straight and tall and put my hand over my heart. 

So when I stood there alone during the national anthem and sang, I felt like I was going back in time to all those summers in South Carolina and then in Washington DC where we celebrated our life in the "Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave". And I got a bit nostalgic and felt a little bit of love and pride in my country (which is an unusual occurence). For all its problems, I still love the USA.